“Back then when we still huddled around the coffee machine…”

Think about it. Not that long ago, most of us had the luxury of chatting with colleagues in the hallway, over a quick coffee break, or while waiting for a meeting to start. You’d hear about their dog’s latest misadventures, their weekend triumph at the local football match, or their annoyance at being stuck in traffic—again.

These seemingly trivial moments were golden. They gave us insights into our colleagues’ personalities, values, and quirks. Without realising it, we were building bridges of understanding and empathy.

Then COVID happened. And just like that, virtual meetings became the new normal. At first, we adjusted well enough—grateful for the technology that kept us connected. But fast forward to today, and we’re dealing with something no one warned us about: communication gaps. And not just the kind caused by dodgy Wi-Fi.

Recently, a question on LinkedIn caught my attention:
“You’re facing conflicting communication styles in a virtual meeting. How can you effectively bridge the gap?”

It raised several thoughts. First of all, conflict isn’t inherently bad. Are we simply trying to avoid it? Before jumping to solutions or creating all kinds of rules—as several people suggested—it might be more useful to explore the root causes of the conflict. After all, communication styles are just different, and sometimes all it takes is recognising those differences and adjusting your own approach to better align with others.

Why Do Communication Styles Clash So Much Online?

You’ve probably noticed it. Meetings that feel unnecessarily tense, a colleague who’s more abrupt than usual, or someone who’s gone completely silent—these things happen more often now. Sure, people will tell you it’s because virtual settings strip away body language and tone, but I think there’s more to it.

Here’s the real kicker: we just don’t know our colleagues as well as we used to. Think about it. Before, we’d learn about their intrinsic values, their core values, through informal chats. We’d understand who liked to dive into details and who thrived on big-picture thinking. Now? Those insights don’t come as naturally. Meetings have become transactional. If we’re not deliberate about it, the people we work with start to feel more like profiles on a Zoom screen, Avatars, than actual humans.

Is the Solution Really Just Ground Rules?

When communication styles clash, the standard advice seems to set ground rules. Use the raise-hand feature. Take turns speaking. Stick to the agenda. And yes, those things help. But they’re only addressing the surface. Ground rules might keep meetings civil, but they don’t make them collaborative. Why? Because they ignore the deeper issue: we’re not addressing why these styles are clashing in the first place.

Let me ask you this: Wouldn’t it be more productive to understand where these styles come from? What if the assertive colleague who constantly interrupts is driven by a deep need for efficiency and results? Or the quiet one who hesitates to speak values thoughtfulness and careful decision-making? Instead of treating their behaviours as problems to be managed, what if we explored their underlying motivations and values? What could we learn about our colleagues? How could that enrich our cooperation?

Don’t stop here—the conversation continues after the image.

Photo by Chris Montgomery on Unsplash

The Missing Ingredient: Connection

Here’s the punchline: it’s not just about skills or tools; it’s about connection. Before the virtual era, we had plenty of ways to connect informally. Now, that’s gone. And no, the occasional “How was your weekend?” before a meeting doesn’t cut it—especially when most people aren’t even listening to the answer.

This loss of connection can also lead to something more subtle but equally challenging: avoiding conflict altogether. In one of the teams I work with, I’ve noticed that meetings often feel overly smooth. People hold back their opinions, and discussions stay agreeable on the surface. But after the call, I hear real frustrations or disagreements privately. Why? Because once the call ends, everyone retreats to their own worlds.

Here’s another example: In one team, I see little to no disagreement when the leader is present. Yet in one-on-one meetings, team members express completely different perspectives. They hesitate to bring these up in group meetings—partly because the leader wants to keep things efficient and stick to the agenda, and partly because virtual settings make it harder to notice unspoken feelings. When most of the screen is filled with slides, those subtle non-verbal expressions are easy to miss.

So, How Do We Rebuild Those Bridges?

If we want to align communication styles and encourage open discussions, we need to prioritise connection. Here’s how:

1. Pause to Reflect on Conflict: If a meeting feels tense or opinions clash, don’t shy away. Take a moment to analyse why. Ask questions like, “What’s driving the tension here?” or “How are we approaching this differently?” This can help ease immediate issues and create understanding.
2. Make Time for Informal Chats: Schedule virtual coffee breaks or one-on-one catch-ups. These don’t have to be long—even ten minutes can do wonders. For example, one team I know kicked off a “5-Minute Fun Fact Friday” to share random stories before diving into the meeting.
3. Discuss Values Openly: Dedicate a session to understanding each other’s communication styles and values. Tools like team style assessments can help highlight why people behave the way they do. You’d be surprised how much clarity this can bring—and how quickly it can dissolve tensions.
4. Encourage Cameras On: Whenever possible, ask participants to turn on their cameras. Seeing faces makes it easier to pick up on unspoken concerns and encourages more human interaction.
5. Normalise Disagreement: Leaders can model this by inviting challenges to their own ideas. For example, “If you think there’s a better way to approach this, I want to hear it.” A little vulnerability goes a long way in creating a safe space for discussion.
6. Follow Up Intentionally: If you sense unresolved feelings during a meeting, follow up one-on-one. A quick check-in can uncover issues that might not surface in a group setting.

From Rules to Relationships

Look, ground rules are fine. But they’re like putting a plaster on a deeper wound. If we really want to fix the way we communicate in virtual spaces, we need to go deeper. We need to rebuild the relationships and understanding that used to come naturally when we shared a coffee or a laugh in the office kitchen.

The next time you’re frustrated by conflicting styles in a meeting, ask yourself: Do I really know the people on this call? Do I understand what drives them? And if the answer is no, maybe that’s where the real work begins.

Final Thought

So, what will you do differently? Will you pause a meeting to analyse tension? Schedule that virtual coffee chat? Or start a conversation about team values? Whatever it is, remember this: the technology isn’t the problem—it’s how we’re using (or not using) it to bring our humanity into the digital age.

Ready to bring real collaboration to your team? Book a free consultation with GrowthTailor and discover how leadership coaching can help you align communication styles and unlock your team’s potential.

Featured image: Photo by Roman Kraft on Unsplash